My Relationships

I want to be as real on here as possible, so this might be a bit personal, but I feel a lot of people will be able to relate and maybe understand my thought process.

Relationships are a funny thing. Some people love them, and some hate them. I would definitely consider myself a relationship kind of girl. I have friends that range from being single, wild, and free, to some that have been with the same person for 5+ years. Even though us girls that are always in a relationship tend to get shit on, I think we can learn a lot about ourselves that singles can't. The argument is always "find yourself" and "take the time to be alone" which I totally understand, but I have learned so much about myself from every relationship I've been in. I've done the one-month thing and 2+ years and I would not be the person I am today without every single one.

I learned what having a boyfriend was like at the end of middle school and the start of high school. My first relationship was the most innocent and perfect start. My first kiss happened with him. It was the cutest/sweetest thing. We dated for about a year which was pretty impressive considering we were that young and went to different schools. We stopped dating in the most middle schooler way, we just faded out and stopped talking, lol. Funny enough, we're friends to this day.

In high school, I dated a guy for almost 2 years and learned what love was. People are going to say it's impossible to love that young, but that's not true. Even though we were both young, naive, and immature, we cared about each other more than anyone else. We spent all our time together, supported, traveled, and laughed constantly. I learned what jealousy was at this point in my life. I used to get so upset when he was around other girls and not replying to my texts. He pulled away at times and we shared a lot of tears. This relationship was deep and emotional and will always stick with me. I learned that being jealous and overbearing is not the way to a healthy relationship and I wanted to be better moving forward. When he moved away we tried long distance but broke up not long into it. I was heartbroken. I felt as if the world was ending, just like any other teenage girl would've felt. This one took quite a while to heal from, but I was able to grow from it quite a bit. I took some time talking to people here and there but nothing stuck until the end of high school.

I vowed I would be a better girlfriend in my next relationship and I was just that. I was patient, chill, and held any jealousy back when I started dating a guy that I had great moments with. We laughed together a lot and had all the same friends from high school. It seemed to be perfect. The sad thing was, we looked a lot happier on the outside than we were on the inside. There's always more to the story. I learned I had a voice in this relationship. I've always been the one to keep the peace or just stay quiet because it was easier. Not this time though. This breakup was rough and I got into yelling matches that I had never even imagined I'd be in. I'm not a yeller or a fighter, but something was pulled out of me. I didn't like being this way, but I showed myself how I could stand up for myself and have an opinion of my own. I felt empowered moving quickly into my next relationship.

Everyone knows about this relationship. We recently ended things and it seems to be messy from the outside, but I had to make decisions to benefit myself. Graduating college changed how I thought about life and how I needed someone with the same thoughts as my own. This guy taught me how I should always be treated in a relationship. He did absolutely anything and everything for me. He would've moved the Earth for me if it was possible. I will always be thankful for him and everything he has done to benefit me. He was the perfect college boyfriend, but now I have hit this point in my life where I'm needing something more. I learned that I need someone with a pure drive that came from themselves and a plan that doesn't revolve around me. I don't want someone that frames their life around me. I want someone with their own dreams and goals that then fit with mine.

I met a guy very recently and we clicked immediately. There will be rumors no matter what, but it is my life and my relationship, no one else's. I don't feel I need to defend myself too much. My true friends will and have supported me in my decisions, even if they tell me I'm crazy first, which I completely understand, lol.

You know that saying, "when you know, you know", well I truly felt that for the first time with this new guy. We are so so similar, it's almost scary. Our families have been friends for years, but his family moved to Kentucky when I was born and we had never met until now. Everything I have learned from my past relationships has seemed to come together for this one right now. I am treated how I should be, I can see the love growing, I can speak up with my thoughts and opinions and feel listened to and respected, and I can be the best girlfriend possible. I feel like myself and like I am right where I should be in my life. He is a mix of all the best parts of my past and I think that's pretty amazing.

He and his family live in North Carolina and I got to go out there recently with my family, it was perfect. Surprisingly similar to Oregon, but with nicer weather. He'll be at training over there for six months. Since I haven't been doing much since graduation, I'm going to take the opportunity and move over there for that time. I believe it not only will be easier for us together but will also give me a chance to grow and be bigger than the girl that never left Oregon. If you were completely free and had nothing holding you down, wouldn't you leave your hometown too?

So I would be the first to say that relationships can be a lot, but they are so worth it. The ups and the downs make us stronger people and show us sides of ourselves we may have never seen being alone. Everything happens for a reason and I will say that til the day I die.